“Let me tell you about my character…”

Using a role-playing game as a jumping off point for your fiction is incredibly common—and incredibly dicey. I’ve shepherded enough slush to know that it’s very easy to be thrown off your game by the rules and conceits of a world that’s not meant to be a novel. If the writer is the DM, the setting might get a lot more love than it should. If the writer is the player, the main character can be too perfect. And whichever side the author is on, there are a lot of things happening that don’t fit the plot in the best way possible: Maybe the characters don’t really grow or change. Maybe the confrontations are more about bad guys being bad and good guys being good than anything the characters might want. Maybe there are just a lot of details about what kind of armor everybody has.

So when I was asked write a second Forgotten Realms book and started riffing on the background of the character I was playing in a current D&D game, I got very concerned. What the hell was I doing? I knew better than this. I had seen what horrors such folly wrought! Horrors like that last sentence!

In the end though, I realized it’s the kind of thing that can go horribly wrong or fantastically right, depending on how much you’re willing to accept change.

This is part of the character summary I gave the DM when we started:
Farideh and Tamurra are twin tieflings raised among the dragonborn of Tymanther after a warrior found them beside the body of their human mother. As such, she and her sister have the cultural notions on honor and fear favored by dragonborn, and they tend to think of humanoids as “squishy.” They hate dragons, and any interaction they have with people is bound to go south, as such, they’ve learned to cover up as much as they can.
Farideh grew up sullen and surly, wanting to fit in with her family, but only feeling separate. As an adult, she’s withdrawn and somewhat depressed. When her enterprising sister captured a banshrae, it tried to trick Farideh into letting it escape. Its simpler tricks exhausted and the executioner’s axe drawing nearer, it offered her a pact. Farideh attempted to throw the banshrae off by offering it her soul—believing that as a tiefling, she does not have one and it would be a lot of fun to make the trapped banshrae angry. But the banshrae leapt on the deal, binding Farideh to the feypact…and leaving her searching for a god to help her reclaim the soul she didn’t think she had. The banshrae, Shemzu, has plans that Farideh knows nothing about. She’s on a fine line here, still wanting to be good but—for the first time in her life—truly outcast and being offered a lot of power.

Now, Brimstone Angels is a complicated story, but at its core, it’s about a young warlock’s struggles to master her pact with a sociopathic entity while being caught in the middle of a plot that could bring civil war to the Hells. It’s about the things she does to try and take control over her life, and the ways in which she has to sacrifice and compromise to do so.

If you’re looking at the same conversion—game to fiction—the most important question to ask is this:  Does this detail support and enhance the story? I find there are four answers. Yes. No. No, but it doesn’t hurt it. Yes, if I adjust it.

In the yes bucket, I liked the tiefling warlock combo—two elements that feed the same dilemma. Tieflings are the descendants of mortals and devils and there’s no denying their heritage: horns, pointy teeth, spooky eyes, even a tail. Warlocks make a pact with a supernatural entity to gain magic. If that entity’s not so good, does that mean the warlock’s not either? If the tiefling’s ancestors are devils, are they born to be bad? Love it. And I like that she’s disconnected from her birth family. It just ramps up that character dilemma in a way that wouldn’t work if you knew her mom and dad were okay folks.

The fact that she’s a twin inspired the character in my book, so I wanted to keep that. And it adds, I think, to that divided worldview. Sometimes she’s her own person, sometimes she feels more like half of a set.

But a lot of things that made for a fun PC, just don’t work for a novel, and belong in the no bucket. I like the fey pact build for playing, but since the book is a lot about what it’s like to be a tiefling, an infernal pact made more sense. And PC Farideh is a lot older—twenty-seven—while the plot that quickly started forming for Brimstone Angels really needed someone just starting to come into herself. If she’s almost thirty and just starting to push boundaries, that’s not an attractive character. So Farideh became seventeen. (Actually, she was supposed to be nineteen, but my editor wanted sixteen, so we met in the middle).

And—despite what people assume about teenagers—the character’s voice rapidly became much less bitchy than my PC’s. She hasn’t had time to lose her idealism yet. In fact, I kind of wanted to play up the fact that she’s nice…well, nice enough. She definitely couldn’t be the sort of person who answers the Aglarondan rescue team’s question of “How did you come to be in this evil island fortress?” with “On a boat.” That person is amusing, but not strong enough to anchor a story on.

The no, but it doesn’t hurt bucket is tricky. While I think most people are capable of recognizing the most egregious items that need to go in the no bucket, the no, but it doesn’t hurt bucket can hide a lot of things that really belong in the former spot.

Take names: A lot of people like names for their PCs that reference real world names (e.g. a warlock called “Shynerbach” amuses the hell out of Texans), other works of fiction (e.g. “Arwen”), or their own names (“Nire…?”). These should all be changed with extreme prejudice in my opinion. If you’re making an in-joke, you’re kicking the reader out of the narrative.

But Farideh just sounds right—soft, but not too soft; pretty, but not too pretty. It doesn’t really add anything a new name wouldn’t, but it doesn’t hurt the way it would if the name made a real world reference or nodded to another work. Even if it’s not obvious:  I might love Verity Kindle from To Say Nothing of the Dog enough to name a daughter after her, but Verity the warlock is just too goddamn precious.

The yes, if I adjust it bucket is where you save the things that really belong in the no bucket, but you can’t bear to part with. But still, you need to be ruthless if you want it all to work out. I liked the “raised by dragonborn” bit. I like dragonborn (despite the boobs) and I like the idea of non-dragonborn with dragonborn mannerisms. It helps the story in the sense that it provides a disconnect from her birth family, but as it stands, it’s just too weird.

Why did those mysterious birth parents pick a dragonborn village? There’s enough of a biological difference there—so who knew how to raise babies that grow three times slower than dragonborn hatchlings? How much am I going to have to create and then explain weird personality tics to support this cross-cultural background? And how am I going to stop that from being one long joke that kills my story’s tension every time I reference it. If I have to spend a lot of time explaining it, and it doesn’t really add a lot, then this little oddity is not worth having.

But I wanted it.

So I thought, what if it’s only one dragonborn, one specific, soft-hearted dragonborn, in a village with plenty of tieflings and humans (and a dwarf that raises yaks…). That’s a little less intense. The overall culture of the village would be a human one that’s hyper-aware of tiefling experiences, but she’d be influenced by her adoptive father’s quirks, in much the same way so many of us are influenced by our parents’ cultural origins when they’re transplants. I’ve never lived in the South proper, but I have the faintest drawl on some words that I can blame on my Tennessean father. My husband’s never lived in New Mexico, but he’s learned to have a hell of an opinion about chiles and posole from his parents. And Farideh isn’t a dragonborn, or a scion of a military family from Djerad Thymar, but she speaks Draconic and has only a nascent sense of the gods, courtesy of Clanless Mehen.

And I got my dragonborn. Score.

One last word of caution: Other people’s characters, in my experience, almost always belong in the no bucket. None of them were likely created with your main character or your book in mind, and all of them were created to be the center of the player’s game story—not yours. (Even a name-drop, a side reference, stands out like you wouldn’t believe. This is often a tell for me that the story coming from the slushpile is based on a game.) As much as you might hate to break up the party, it’s probably for the best.

What’s a lot easier, is filling a role. The character backstory above references her twin sister Tamurra, who was played by Susan J. Morris. I wanted to keep a “twin.” And I wanted the twin to be different from Farideh in the same way Tamurra was different from my PC. But much, much easier than trying to adapt my editor’s monster-hunting, kill-counting, sharp-tongued rogue? Crafting a sister who was a perfect foil to my anxious, stubborn, lonesome main character. And boy am I glad I did. Havilar is one of my very favorite characters.

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This post first appeared on my public Facebook page.

When people have asked me what my books are about, I have two stock answers: the longer, thematic literary answer and the shorter, to-the-point genre answer. For example, my first novel, The God Catcher, was about the duality of identity and the conflict that occurs when your sense of self doesn’t match up with the self that others perceive you to be. Which “you” are you in that case and how do you integrate the two when they’re miles apart? The second answer was, “It’s about dragons.”

Brimstone Angels is about control. I started shaping the story this way because the main character of Brimstone Angels is Farideh, a seventeen-year-old warlock, and if there’s any time I’ve felt like I was fighting for control of my own life it was at seventeen. (I won. Good game, Mom).

Until the year I wrote Brimstone Angels. I was laid off from a job I loved like a second spouse. (A demanding, occasionally neglectful spouse who gave me a crappy pen for our anniversary and then dumped me). My husband’s grandfather passed away abruptly, followed a week later by his other grandfather. My editor abandoned me left my publisher. I turned thirty. I got pregnant—which, as it turns out, is as not-in-control as you can possibly be . . . until labor, which is as not-in-control as you can be . . . until you have a newborn hollering at you at all hours of the night. And because of all that, Brimstone Angels became solidly about control and the things we do to take control of our lives—particularly the things we do which are utterly futile and crazy-making in the hopes that they’ll let us feel a little less like the world is careering on without them.

None of these things are terribly strange or extraordinary, and plenty of you are probably well aware of how you personally felt during one or more of these events. For me, it seemed that the more things slipped out of my direct control, the more I realized how much I clung to what I could control. Even if trying to do so actually took more control from me—obsessing over cures for morning sickness, only made morning sickness take up more of my day.

The sense of needing to seize something while other parts of your world slip out of your hands—I think that’s pretty universal. Whether it’s entering a relationship that you know is bad news because it gets you out of the life you feel trapped in. Or trying to keep your twin sister playing the same part she always has so you don’t have to reassess where you are. Or fighting to keep your teenaged daughters from growing up too fast in a world that’s never going to be kind to them—the characters in Brimstone Angels all do things to feel more in control that ultimately take more power out of their hands.

Also, it’s about devils.

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Like a Geek

NB: I wrote this post about a month ago, while I was still pregnant. And then I stopped being pregnant and it took some time to publish.

Recently, I was interviewed for The Tome Show about The God Catcher. You can listen to it here (I don’t start talking until halfway in, but the rest of the book club is pretty interesting too).

But, readers, I have a confession to make. I goofed.

You might notice, several times throughout the interview, I joke about how I can’t remember things. And . . . well, lately I can’t. I have an adorable parasite stealing all my blood at the moment. I jokingly warned Jeff and Tracy right at the start of the interview—before the recording—that I was eight months pregnant and for the love of god, don’t interrupt me because I have lost all my momentary memory and I will never remember what I was saying.

In general, nothing of the sort happened. Except right off the bat.

They asked me if I had had experiences in life that mirrored The God Catcher’s themes of identity and what you do when your perceived self doesn’t match your internal self. And, to be honest, this isn’t something I’ve thought about in so many words. I’m pretty certain it’s universal, and given a moment to ponder over it I can point to times in my life where I would certainly phrase it as such. But in general, when my perceived self doesn’t match my internal self, I tend to correct people. Or stew about it, whichever.

So I scrambled. I remembered a time this definitely happened! And recently! My very geekness was called into question. People asserting I didn’t look like a geek! I brought that up and . . .

. . . totally forgot the story I was going to tell.

I filled it in with a much weaker anecdote about a coworker assuming I was a cheerleader in high school (predicated, by the way, by my arranging the sizeable collection of Dread Vampire Spawn minis that lived atop Susan Morris’s bookshelf into a human pyramid and making one say “Ready? Okay!”) and how insulted I was. Even telling this story, I felt like an idiot.

First, I don’t actually have anything against cheerleaders. In high school, I did, though less against particular cheerleaders and more against the idea of a cheerleader versus the idea of me. Cheerleaders embodied what I simultaneously didn’t want and couldn’t have, and so did sort of want. It would have been nice, for example, to not worry about whether I had anyone to sit with at lunch or whether everyone was determining my sexuality based on my thrift store jeans. (Hint: This is not a measure of . . . anything really.) But then, I don’t know that the cheerleaders I went to school with weren’t having the exact same sorts of problems. Besides, high school ends, and now I have plenty of people to lunch with who will at least pretend to laugh at my jokes.

So, cheerleaders, are we cool?

The phrase “I don’t look like a geek” has genuinely been bothering me. It sounds like I think it’s a bad thing to “look like a geek.” It sounds like I think we all dress alike. It sounds like the opposite of Zooey Deschanel. So to clarify, here is the story I meant to tell:

This year, I went to GenCon on my own dime. I don’t work at WotC anymore, so I didn’t have to wear one of their (gross) (sweaty) (no seriously, it’s like the thing’s made of plastic) polos. I wore my clothes, specifically my pregnancy clothes.

Maternity wear has a curious side effect. You have to buy these things because one day your clothes will not fit you, no matter how much you try and make them, because this shirt has an empire waist and these pants can totally be held together with a rubber band. But maternity clothes are a) as expensive as regular clothes and frequently more and b) only sold by a handful of manufacturers. You can certainly go hunting for high end stuff on the internet, but you’re buying clothing that you will wear for six months to a year, tops. It’s hard to justify the expense.

However, the unintended result is that you have a) a limited wardrobe and b) a wardrobe you basically share with every other pregnant woman in America. You are, in effect, wearing a uniform.

I fucking hate it.

See, normally, I look like this:

That expression says,

Normal me...except that stupid expression.

And in the act of packing up my regular clothes, in the hopes that after labor and a suitable recovery period they will once again fit, I realized I had become rather attached to looking like that. I liked the way I dressed.

Now, here’s a little history that makes this all tie in a little better: Back in the day? Before I had disposable income and a yen for ruffles and prints? I wore what I would call the Geek Girl Uniform—jeans, t-shirt preferably with clever saying (I did not wear the hoodie. I hate wearing hoodies). Muted colors. Black, preferable. Combat boots for a while—but it was the nineties. This is not how we all dress, but if you were going to create a character whose primary characteristic was “Geeky Girl,” these are probably the duds you’d code her with.

To be honest, I wore it for a lot of reasons, and none of them were very good: it was easy, it was what my friends wore, it made me look cool. Then my mother—in her fashion—opined that I probably wore such ugly colors so that people would pay attention to how smart I was instead of my pretty face. This is the kind of thing my mother says, and usually it’s best to just ignore her. But this time it really shocked me, because it was true—I was hiding in these clothes and the worst part was it didn’t even work. I still had to be ten times as obnoxious to get people to believe I was smart, and I was wearing clothes that I didn’t really feel good in.

So it took me years, but I finally figured out what I do like, and amassed a decent wardrobe of such items.

Please note, I’m not calling anyone else’s clothes into question. If you’re happy in hoodies and jeans, then that is exactly what you should wear. I just always feel like that damned hood is strangling me. . .

Anyway: GenCon.

I’m at GenCon, and I look like this:

It is a billion degrees in that picture.

AKA "Baby's First GenCon"

This is my favorite maternity outfit. It’s comfortable and stylish, and that top transitions for nursing so it’s a little easier to swallow the fact that it’s overpriced and annoying to wash. I feel good in this.

It started when Susan Morris and I were walking to the exhibitor’s hall to get our passes. We’re dragging rolling suitcases full of presentation materials through the sky bridges, and fighting our way through a series of doors. Two men, already with their badges, are behind us, and I quip something about the automatic door buttons making them obsolete. We laugh, we chat, and then one of them says something about how we must be totally gobsmacked by all the weirdoes.

Yes, readers: they think we’re in town for the marketers’ convention happening in our hotel.

Readers, it was an honest mistake, I know that. And I promise, I was all politeness. But inside, I saw red. I informed them that not only were we supremely geeky ladies, but that Susan had, until recently been the line editor for Forgotten Realms and I was the Neverwinter author who was not R.A. Salvatore. Lucky them.

This happened again. And again. And again. Were we with the marketers? Were we with the nursing convention? We probably didn’t get the kickass Neverwinter branded hotel keys because they were for the convention attendees. Hanging with Candlekeep people, someone admitted that when they’d met me a few years prior, they’d assumed I was an intern for the marketing team, assigned to escort Ed Greenwood around.

So when I say “I don’t look like a geek” this is what I mean. I do not register on people’s radar as one of us. I am at worst lost, at best, a poseur. Is it my clothes? My demeanor? My nervous laughter? Is it just that I’m a woman and have a higher hurdle to get over? I don’t know. But it is frustrating, and it’s probably the time I feel most like a Nestrix.

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