1. It is psychologically more satisfying to treat penny slots as really odd arcade games, than as sources of wealth. If you play with the goal of playing the wacky mini-games, it’s much more fun because you are never going to win anything exciting.
2. You can make a slot machine themed as anything: treasure, ancient civilizations [Egypt, Greece, Persia, Rome, China, Japan, Vikings…], porn, animals, industries, tv shows, movies, food items, and several variations of Monopoly [Space Monopoly?]. For example, I played dragon and devil themed ones, since they seemed appropriate.
3. Also, I think slot machine designers have discovered people find cats more lucky or less expensive than dogs in the deepest levels of their subconscious, as I never saw a dog slot machine but cats abounded (e.g. Kitty Glitter, Ten Lions, CATS, Hexbreaker , etc).
4. Related: if you are playing a Star Wars slot machine and you suddenly get the urge to hit the max bet button, DO IT. This is the Force telling you you’re about to get the Death Star bonus, and your $4 could be $40. Don’t listen when the Husband disagrees with the Force.
5. If you are old enough to know the signs that indicate internal bleeding, you are too old to be drinking giant novelty daiquiris full of blue dye. WAY too old.
6. If you have a con-costume you don’t know what to do with for most of the year, you can wear it on Fremont Street, and tourists will give you tips to take pictures with you. Elvis, I get. Showgirls, I get. But Davey Jones, Darth Vader, and a ninja?
7. Tipping housekeeping is always a good idea. Not only is it the polite thing to do when you’re asking someone to clean up six people’s worth of beer bottles and crumbs, and clean the toilet you yakked in, but you’re likely to score on toiletries:
8. The difference between 100 F and 105 F is only 5 F…but it feels like the difference between summer and dying.
9. Writing a topless vampire revue seems like it’s really easy. In fact, I could write a whole blog post about the edits I would make to the topless vampire revue. In fact, I will!
10. Someone should make topless ballet happen in Vegas.
11. Also, topless opera. I would pay to see that.
12. Even if you learn all the rules to Blackjack, you will probably still lose.
13. Roulette is really just a flashy way for the casino to take all of your money and laugh at you.
14. When the mini-bar prices start to sound reasonable, it’s time to go home.